Your First Injury

Micah Sayang...

Today you fell... It's not a first; you've fell off the bed, walker, for the umpteenth time now. But today, this one caused you injury; a small cut on your upper lip... And Mommy feel so damn bad... ='(

My heart skipped a beat when you first fell of the bed. You were four months old. It was late at night, we (you, me, your Daddy) were all sleeping on the bed when suddenly I woke up to find you were no longer on the bed with us. I got up to look for you. It felt surreal, being groggy from my sleep and all. I could hear your voice but couldn't find you as it was semi-dark. Then finally there you were, on your tummy, head looking up, probably asking for help. But you weren't crying, just making a  sound somehow. I ran and picked you up ad checked to see if you you broke a bone or got a bruise anywhere. After a thorough check-up, you seemed fine and we went back to sleep.

After that, it was an endless series of falling off things; bed, walker, chair. Daddy and Mommy gradually learned not to panic and over-worry ourselves. We worry nevertheless, but at least it didn't drive us to bring you to see a doctor EVERY time you fell.

But today... Mommy was preparing your lunch porridge... I already knew that you've recently learned how to stand up from the baby-chair. And for that, I shouldn't have left you unattended even for a second... ='(  The next thing I knew we were both crying... There was blood on Mommy's shirt. And when I checked to see where did it all come from, I found more on your mouth... Thank God it was just a minor cut on your upper lip... I'm utterly sorry, Sunshine...

Your Ake' (grandma) and Kung Kung (grandpa) and Uncle Naza tried to console both you and Mommy. I must have turned blue or something, coz hey tried so much to calm me down... I just feel really, really bad... This, plus the one this morning when you fell head first just because I refused to get up the bed earlier... ='(

I have a feeling it doesn't end here... That there will be more fall-offs, injuries; big and small, cuts, worries... I can't help but cry, when I think about this... This is just one small cut. But what do I do when you know how to walk and learn how to explore the world on your own? When you think you can handle it and insist on doing things on your own; climb, crawl, run, plunge, DRIVE??? ='(

I only know too well that there's nothing I can do to stop things from happening... My own mother tried her best to keep me and my siblings safe (whatever that means)... But we broke our ankles and arms anyway, we got into accidents, we cut our heads and knees anyway... I can only imagine the horror when you experience these injuries yourself... But I don;t want to think about that just yet... Not now...

As for now, I can only hold you tight, and sing you lullabies... "Hush my love now don't cry... Everything will be alright..."

*singing continues...*