If...

If I Had My Child to Raise Over Again

by Diane Loomans

If I had my child to raise all over again,
I'd build self esteem first, and the house later.
I'd fingerpaint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I would care to know less and know to care more.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging and less tugging.
I'd see the oak tree in the acorn more often.
I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.
I'd model less about the love of power,
And more about the power of love.

Dear son,

Mommy found this poem some time ago and it made me rethink about a lot of my decisions and actions especially in my daily struggle to balance between work and you and everything else..

If only I have a choice, I'd sing Just the Way you are with you a thousand times. I'd watch Toy Story with you over and over again. I'd draw random lines and nothings with you all afternoon. I'd walk with you as you pick up your choice of stones and little rocks. I'd do anything and everything with you, Micah... I just miss hanging out with you the whole day...

But beds need to be made, dishes need to be washed, mess needs to be cleaned, dirty laundry needs to be done, jobs have to be attended to, works have to completed.

But Mommy's doing her best, okay buddy? And just so you know, it's my favorite thing to do, something I look forward to doing after a hard or dull day's work... All I want is to get in the car pick you up at the daycare where you're waiting patiently at the doorstep, and jumping up and down excitedly at the sight of your mother... There's nothing I love more than being your mother, buddy. Just looking at you gives me joy and purpose. Apa lagi if I get to have more time with you, just layan your silly and singing. Hihi!

Love,

Your mother...

Sorry...

Hey there, my precious..

It's been so long, huh? I think about writing a letter to you every single day, sayang.. But I just couldn't find the time coz there's always something to do; work, and whenever I'm free, it's always having my world wrapped around you...

But I always feel like i don't spend enough time with you.. And oh Micah if only i have an option, I'd spend 24/7 with you... If only we're not in such a bad financial shape, I'd do that.. But please know that Mommy and Papa never thought least or even second of you.. You're always our number ONE TREASURE.. and that's why we spend our time and struggle to work because we want to give you a good life... There's no other way we can do it but work, baby.. We don't want things to be hard for you.. We want to have enough money for you to grow up well and healthy.. Kalau buli sampai ko kawin, ada anak, buy you a house Mommy sama Papa mo supply ko.. But we do what we can..

And I only hope that every morning when you find it hard to let me go off to work, but kiss me goodbye and say "I love you" anyway, you understand that it's not my favorite thing to do, that I'd rather not say goodbye ever, that I do it all for you... =')

And baby, please also know that I try to make up for lost time by spending and mostly appreciating every single moment i have after work with you; singing, playing, just being silly... I hope you're old enough to acknowledge those little moments, because i do, and it means the world to me.. How I love you holding me by my cheeks and kiss my forehead, or you just saying "See, Mommy, see" and (try) to do a breakdancing or whatever it is... hahaha.. My boy...

I love you, Micah... And I hope you'll never forget that..

Love,
Your mom..