Hey there, buddy...
Mommy's at work and having a hard time concentrating because there are just a lot of things to do. Plus, I miss you terribly. It was probably a bad idea to look at videos of your baby-self at work as an idea to release some stress. Ha ha...
You're at the nursery. And honestly I constantly worry about sending you there. It's the idea of you being taken care of by people I don't know. Well it's only been four months now. But it's different from the school daycare I sent you to in Bintulu since you were 6 months old. They communicated with me and I can tell how much you loved it there with your friends and teachers. Compared to this one. We might be looking for a new and better school for you to go to. Somewhere where you will be happy. I'm least concerned about your 'smart' achievements because I know you're smart =). Hence, I don't look for schools that will ensure you score straight As in your future education. I just want a place where you will be happy.
That's probably because in my 26 years of life, I've learned that what matters most in life is for you to be happy; to feel utterly safe, loved, cared for, and just feel pure utter joy... If you don't have this, then nothing else will make you feel enough. And I want you to feel adequate, like you have everything you need.
And that makes me cry sometimes because I know you need me around. I know you need your Papa around. And I've probably said this a million times, but it sucks to only be able to spend four hours or less of your daily life with you. And it has to suck more for your Papa because he only gets to see you at once a month at the very least. He tells me everyday that he misses you. And he may not show or tell that he cries but sometimes I can tell through his words... Everyday, our prayer is for God to help make it easy for us to be together and live as a family; you, Mommy and Papa... And soon, you lil' baby adik... Yes, baby... You're gonna be a big brother! I've told you and you've even started to rub Mommy's tummy and say, "Hi baby!" and kiss it. But i have to put it in here to make it official. Hehe...
That being said, it calls for us to be together as a family even more... And, honey, don't you worry. I'll be loving you like I always have since the first I knew I was gonna have you.. And we'll be loving our new buddy just the same. You won't understand it now, why you have to 'share' me and Papa with your new sibling. But by time you will. And Mommy hope that Papa and I will be doing the best we can to raise you and love you right, so that you'll love your brother or sister just the same.
In the meantime, know that I want nothing but to spend more time with you, and want only the best for you. That's why I'm working hard to earn enough for all of us. Which reminds me of that work I have to get done prior to writing this. Ha ha.
Undertsand that, okay buddy?
I love you. As always.
Your mother.
