Hey there, my baby..
Mommy had been terribly busy the whole week, not being able to pick you up myself at the nursery, and coming home only at midnight and you're already asleep.. I'm sorry, baby... There had been a tragedy last Monday, and you don't understand it now, but I'll explain them in detail when you're old enough and read this..
In short, it was terrible, sayang.. I kept wanting to go home.. Just being in the middle of all the chaos, of all those involved - their faces wishing like they could just turn back time and save their loved ones... Some of them lost their babies, Micah... I kept thinking about you and all I remember feeling was, I wanna go home, TO YOU.. I never felt like hugging you and kissing you more than at that moment...
There were only sadness and tears throughout the entire week.. Even as I've finished work and went home to hold and hug you (with prior clean-ups and bathes of course, having been around dead bodies and hanging out at mortuary), just seeing you sound asleep made me think about the mothers who had lost their babies... What would I have done if it had been us?
And just thinking about it like that makes me cry.. I kept thinking, "What if I lose my baby/mother/sister/husband/brother/father?"
I pray that no mothers, including me, would ever have to lose their babies like that anymore... I pray that no one ever have to lose their loved ones like that anymore... And as angry as I am towards God for making anything like that possible, I know that He has good plans for everything...
And baby, Mommy love you... With all my heart.. Sorry for not having enough time for you lately, but please know that Mommy think of you every second of the day... I worry about you all the time, and I miss you as soon as i dropped you off at the nursery. And as busy as Mommy gets, as stressed and tired as I get, I want nothing else but to go home to you at the end of every day.. And yes, sayang, you can ask Mommy to read 'The Little Lamb' as many times as you want.. =')
I love you, Micah...
Your mother
