The Anticipation

NOTE: This one was written by hand when I was about 36 weeks pregnant with you... =)

September 17th, 2009

Dear Sunshine,

I hope you don't mind I call you by that name. I didn't know what you were going to be, a boy or a girl, but I wanted so bad to call you by name, instead of just, 'My Baby'. And I thought 'Sunshine' sounds so cute. Apart from the song You Are My Sunshine, there's also this character Ron 'Sunshine' Bass from my favorite movie, Remember The Titans, that I love so much. Then, 7 months later, our practitioner Dr. Lawrence told us you're a boy. Ha ha. I thought, "What the heck. Let's just go on with that petname."

Your father and I didn't plan you, my dear... We had only been together for a short while, but YOU happened... It was a surprise. The news caught us off guard. One day we were just a happy, young, carefree couple and the next day, we were having a family to live for.

Although unplanned, it was never a mistake... We welcomed you with open hearts. Surprised, yes. But happy nevertheless... =) I still remember the face your father had when we found ourselves looking at a positive home pregnancy test. Oh dear, we were smiling, out of disbelief... I had to be honest, it didn't sink in until after the 3rd test and we've went to the doctor to have it confirmed.

It was not until I saw you on the scan equipment screen monitor that I felt like crying... and I did. You were just the size of a bean then; a tiny, 2 weeks old foetus... And I teared up... I wasn's sure about what your father feel but I saw him smiling speechlessly... =) I kept asking myself, "Can you believe it? There's a life forming inside of me. There's a human being inside me!" It was just wonderful... Although scary, not knowing how to be a mother and how our lives would change now that you're coming, but it was wonderful... Almost magical...

I quit my 10 years of smoking in a snap. And although I work in an environment where drinking is a trend, I quit that too. I've never been healthier, never lived a live of good health or even try, but because of you, I tried to, so as to make your 'home' good enough for you. And it was tough because I was away from my own mother and I had no idea how to be pregnant. But I tried anyway. Stuffed myself with bananas and milk and veggies every single day... But in so many ways, thank YOU sunshine... You bring out the best in me... =)

Your father and I talked about you all the time; what should we name you, where should you go to school, how you would look like...

Oh Sunshine... How I can't wait to meet you... This wait is torturing! I'm due on September 22nd, few weeks away, but I'm running out of patience. I want so bad to hold you, and cradle youamd just look at you... It's only days away but it feels so damn long (I'm not supposed to use words like 'damn' by now, am I?). Compared to the past 7 months, this is agonizingly slow...

But I know I shouldn't foce you to come out and meet the world, not when you're not ready.. So, son, come out when you are, okay? But just so you know, we're psyched to meet you!

Until then, know that we love you... I love you... I have a slight feeling that I might miss you once you come out of mme belly. I mean, we've been together, literally, for the past 8 months. Now, I'm about to 'share' you with the rest of the world.. Thinking about it seems scary.

But, my baby, the world is a wonderful place... Weird and scary sometimes, but you have your Mommy and Daddy to look out for you. You'll always be our baby... You'll hate hearing that when you're 16. But trust me, you'll want to hear it again when you start your own family. I know I did. =)

p/s: You are not an accident. God created you for a purpose. You can bet on that. =)

Can't wait to meet you!
Your mother