One of my biggest fears is to die ahead of time, before I get the chance to watch you and your future sibling(s) grow and be assured that you guys are going to be fine. That is the major reason why I set up this blog and hope that you will someday read all the stuff I write in here, just in case I won't get the chance to share with you my two cents worth on life and everything else. Many things will happen. If it's not death, other things might get between us. It could be distance, it could be pride, it could be something so small that escalates to something big and causes a rift between you and me. It could be so many things. But I pray to God that none of this will happen, Micah.... I can't even imagine being there; to lose my babies in any way after loving you, holding you, and having you for so long. I pray that no matter what happens, you will always know that I love you. Always know that I love you...
But of course, you're only two now. And you have yet the ability to understand what am I babbling about. We have a long way to go and I might (or might not) have all the time in the world to raise you and share with you the things that I feel are important in life. But just in case, just in case, these letters are written with the hope to help you grow and cope with the gazillion things that will come your way as you grow...
I couldn't possibly tell you ALL the wisdom and useful ramblings that matter and will help you with life. I am afterall only 27. Haha. I'm probably not wise enough to even try and teach you things about life and adulthood. But I'll try to impart to you what's within my capacity...
And to start off, there is this one song that I have always listened to since its release in 1999. I was only 14 then, and I never really measure the weight of the song and its ultimate value. Not until I was 21 that I really listened to Baz Luhrman's words and take them one by one and thought, "This could be the ultimate guide to the universe," and had since listen to it as often as I can to remind me the important things in life. And I hope you too will find it helpful.
Here's the lyrics to Baz Luhrman's Everybody's Free To Wear Sunscreen:
Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of '99
Wear Sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be
it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by
scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
than my own meandering experience,
I will dispense this advice, now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth;
oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself, and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before
you and how fabulous you really looked,.
You are not as fat as you imagine.
Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind;
the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing everyday that scares you
Sing
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss
Don't waste your time on jealousy;
sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind; the race is long,
and in the end, it's only with yourself.
Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults;
if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life,
the most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives,
some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.
Get plenty of calcium.
Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't,
maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't,
maybe you'll divorce at 40,
maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary,
what ever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much
or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance,
so are everybody else's.
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can,
don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it,
it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own..
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.
Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings, they're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get,
the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard;
live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander,
you too will get old and when you do you'll fantasize that when you were young
prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don't expect anyone else to support you.
Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse;
but you never know when either one might run out.
Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it.
Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal,
wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen.
Showing posts with label Little moments that matters. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Little moments that matters. Show all posts
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Thursday, December 1, 2011
You Vs Me
A 'conversation' we had yesterday evening, and on a few other occasions,
Me: Micah, stop playing with your food and eat properly.
You: No way!
On another occasion,
Me: Boy, put the scissors down or you're gonna hurt somebody.
You: No way!
Ha ha ha... That adamant response like you're so sure about what you want and how you want it. And you're only 2 years old.
I laugh most of the time because it's so cute. But when I turn away and start thinking further, to when you're 15, 20, 25 and imagine when you're going to say 'No' - literally or otherwise - to a lot of things, I sighed in fear.
My mom, your Mama Tua, had been a great mother, and still is. I bet she has only the best intentions for her children, like any mother does, but sometimes execute these intentions not to everybody's likings, mainly mine. Up to this day, she still makes me agree to do what she thinks is best for me. And since I had you, I vowed to let you be an adult when you're an adult... Though I've yet to know how easy or difficult if not impossible that would be, until the time finally comes...
I'm scared because I've been 15 before. I wasn't the best teenager to raise and looking back, I know I gave my mom a hard, horrible time during those years. There's something about being a teenager that makes you think that you're invincible, but you're not. It's a 'neither here nor there' situation where you will think you know what you want, but you don't. And the worst part is, you don't listen to anyone, especially your parents, weirdly so because they brought you into this world, raised you, were with you since you took your first step and fed you, yet you think they make the most wrong decisions for you. And now that I'm writing that down, it sucks to admit what an idiot I was. =)
I want to tell you that parents are always right. But I'd be lying because they aren't always are. And I'm putting my authority on the line here because you'd probably decide to cut yourself off myself and your Papa the moment you're reading this. But the truth is, Micah, as much as parents think they know what's best for you, we don't. At least not always. There are moments when they're sure, but there will also be moments when they make decisions for you out of fear you will fail, more than out of being convinced those decisions are right.
It will never be easy... For both of us. I can only hope that your Papa and I will raise you right for you to know what to do, and for us to know when to tell you what to do and when to let you go ahead with your own mind...
I guess, we can only love you enough to trust you with your guts, and pick you up whenever you screw up...
Love,
Your mother =)
Me: Micah, stop playing with your food and eat properly.
You: No way!
On another occasion,
Me: Boy, put the scissors down or you're gonna hurt somebody.
You: No way!
Ha ha ha... That adamant response like you're so sure about what you want and how you want it. And you're only 2 years old.
I laugh most of the time because it's so cute. But when I turn away and start thinking further, to when you're 15, 20, 25 and imagine when you're going to say 'No' - literally or otherwise - to a lot of things, I sighed in fear.
My mom, your Mama Tua, had been a great mother, and still is. I bet she has only the best intentions for her children, like any mother does, but sometimes execute these intentions not to everybody's likings, mainly mine. Up to this day, she still makes me agree to do what she thinks is best for me. And since I had you, I vowed to let you be an adult when you're an adult... Though I've yet to know how easy or difficult if not impossible that would be, until the time finally comes...
I'm scared because I've been 15 before. I wasn't the best teenager to raise and looking back, I know I gave my mom a hard, horrible time during those years. There's something about being a teenager that makes you think that you're invincible, but you're not. It's a 'neither here nor there' situation where you will think you know what you want, but you don't. And the worst part is, you don't listen to anyone, especially your parents, weirdly so because they brought you into this world, raised you, were with you since you took your first step and fed you, yet you think they make the most wrong decisions for you. And now that I'm writing that down, it sucks to admit what an idiot I was. =)
I want to tell you that parents are always right. But I'd be lying because they aren't always are. And I'm putting my authority on the line here because you'd probably decide to cut yourself off myself and your Papa the moment you're reading this. But the truth is, Micah, as much as parents think they know what's best for you, we don't. At least not always. There are moments when they're sure, but there will also be moments when they make decisions for you out of fear you will fail, more than out of being convinced those decisions are right.
It will never be easy... For both of us. I can only hope that your Papa and I will raise you right for you to know what to do, and for us to know when to tell you what to do and when to let you go ahead with your own mind...
I guess, we can only love you enough to trust you with your guts, and pick you up whenever you screw up...
Love,
Your mother =)
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Happy 2nd Birthday, Buddy!
Two years ago, today, I officially became a mother when you were 'detached' from my womb after nine months you were created. There's a sense of pride, honor, joy, and just pure soft emotions that surround me whenever I think about that, and how you've grown to be so big now. Look at you... All the hair, the teeth, the smile.. Look at how tall you are now... It's getting harder to carry you around; your legs are so long now!And not forgetting how smart you're becoming every single day... Mommy can actually understand what you're saying now. Ha ha.. You're even able to form three-word sentences like, "Say sorry to Mommy." Oh wait, that's four! You recognize everyone and could guess everyone's clothes.
You can even sing to We Will Rock You and That's What You Get. And hold a guitar as if you know how to play it while tapping your feet to The Lazy Song. You look so grown up when you do that... And I'm so proud of you...
As much as Mommy want to hold you always and forever, growing up and letting go is inevitable... You'll be a teenager someday and all the hugs, kisses would probably stop. But I hope you will always, ALWAYS know that your mother loves you with all her heart and soul. There will be times when that is hard to believe; I'd be restricting your going-outs or tell you which friends you should or should not see. I would probably tell you a lot of no's and don'ts. And you would probably hate me for a lot of things. Mommy, now 26, still hates your grandma for some things. Ha ha... But please always go back to where things were and remember that above all, I have your best interest at heart and want everything in the world to be right for you. Though I know that's impossible, I'd die trying.
There are a lot of things I wanna tell you, buddy; things that I'm worried I'd not have the chance to tell you about life. But Mommy's at work and I think my boss can see me tearing up in front of the computer. But I'll find time for that.
Till then, hugs, kisses, and all the love in the world from your mother. And hey, your Papa is coming home today! Isn't that great? We'll post pictures of your birthday soon after, aight?
Love,
Your mother
Friday, July 22, 2011
If...
If I Had My Child to Raise Over Again
by Diane Loomans
If I had my child to raise all over again,
I'd build self esteem first, and the house later.
I'd fingerpaint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I would care to know less and know to care more.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging and less tugging.
I'd see the oak tree in the acorn more often.
I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.
I'd model less about the love of power,
And more about the power of love.
Dear son,
Mommy found this poem some time ago and it made me rethink about a lot of my decisions and actions especially in my daily struggle to balance between work and you and everything else..
If only I have a choice, I'd sing Just the Way you are with you a thousand times. I'd watch Toy Story with you over and over again. I'd draw random lines and nothings with you all afternoon. I'd walk with you as you pick up your choice of stones and little rocks. I'd do anything and everything with you, Micah... I just miss hanging out with you the whole day...
But beds need to be made, dishes need to be washed, mess needs to be cleaned, dirty laundry needs to be done, jobs have to be attended to, works have to completed.
But Mommy's doing her best, okay buddy? And just so you know, it's my favorite thing to do, something I look forward to doing after a hard or dull day's work... All I want is to get in the car pick you up at the daycare where you're waiting patiently at the doorstep, and jumping up and down excitedly at the sight of your mother... There's nothing I love more than being your mother, buddy. Just looking at you gives me joy and purpose. Apa lagi if I get to have more time with you, just layan your silly and singing. Hihi!
Love,
Your mother...
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Sorry...
Hey there, my precious..
It's been so long, huh? I think about writing a letter to you every single day, sayang.. But I just couldn't find the time coz there's always something to do; work, and whenever I'm free, it's always having my world wrapped around you...
But I always feel like i don't spend enough time with you.. And oh Micah if only i have an option, I'd spend 24/7 with you... If only we're not in such a bad financial shape, I'd do that.. But please know that Mommy and Papa never thought least or even second of you.. You're always our number ONE TREASURE.. and that's why we spend our time and struggle to work because we want to give you a good life... There's no other way we can do it but work, baby.. We don't want things to be hard for you.. We want to have enough money for you to grow up well and healthy.. Kalau buli sampai ko kawin, ada anak, buy you a house Mommy sama Papa mo supply ko.. But we do what we can..
And I only hope that every morning when you find it hard to let me go off to work, but kiss me goodbye and say "I love you" anyway, you understand that it's not my favorite thing to do, that I'd rather not say goodbye ever, that I do it all for you... =')
And baby, please also know that I try to make up for lost time by spending and mostly appreciating every single moment i have after work with you; singing, playing, just being silly... I hope you're old enough to acknowledge those little moments, because i do, and it means the world to me.. How I love you holding me by my cheeks and kiss my forehead, or you just saying "See, Mommy, see" and (try) to do a breakdancing or whatever it is... hahaha.. My boy...
I love you, Micah... And I hope you'll never forget that..
Love,
Your mom..
It's been so long, huh? I think about writing a letter to you every single day, sayang.. But I just couldn't find the time coz there's always something to do; work, and whenever I'm free, it's always having my world wrapped around you...
But I always feel like i don't spend enough time with you.. And oh Micah if only i have an option, I'd spend 24/7 with you... If only we're not in such a bad financial shape, I'd do that.. But please know that Mommy and Papa never thought least or even second of you.. You're always our number ONE TREASURE.. and that's why we spend our time and struggle to work because we want to give you a good life... There's no other way we can do it but work, baby.. We don't want things to be hard for you.. We want to have enough money for you to grow up well and healthy.. Kalau buli sampai ko kawin, ada anak, buy you a house Mommy sama Papa mo supply ko.. But we do what we can..
And I only hope that every morning when you find it hard to let me go off to work, but kiss me goodbye and say "I love you" anyway, you understand that it's not my favorite thing to do, that I'd rather not say goodbye ever, that I do it all for you... =')
And baby, please also know that I try to make up for lost time by spending and mostly appreciating every single moment i have after work with you; singing, playing, just being silly... I hope you're old enough to acknowledge those little moments, because i do, and it means the world to me.. How I love you holding me by my cheeks and kiss my forehead, or you just saying "See, Mommy, see" and (try) to do a breakdancing or whatever it is... hahaha.. My boy...
I love you, Micah... And I hope you'll never forget that..
Love,
Your mom..
Thursday, May 5, 2011
"heLLLou"
Boy!
No, that wasn't the "Oh boy!" expression. It's what I've been calling lately, and you responded well. =) The exclamation mark was because I wanted to start this post with a high-spirited attitude because it's been too long since I posted any letter for you, Micah. =( Sorry.. Mommy was just too occupied with everything else (a huuuge part of that being YOU).
You're 2o months old now, or a year and 6 months, with a head-full of hair (and when I say full, it really means A LOT OF HAIRRR, all THICK and BLACK - I envy), and a whole set of teeth. Most people couldn't believe you're barely 2 years old. It's probably the hair and the teeth, and you're ability to say a sarcastic 'hello' oh so perfectly.
Speaking of which, there was one time when I took you to the clinic for your monthly check-up, and a lady took your seat when you were off playing somewhere around, you came back and said, "Hellllo,", rolling the double 'L' so perfectly in a low tone, with a frown on your face, thinning your lips like an annoyed adult. I almost laughed, but managed to hold the laugh back, pretended to be a civilized parent who should stop her kid from being rude, and said a half-angry, half-amused, "Micah don't do that," before the lady stood up voluntarily and left the seat. She didn't look impressed.
Your favorite song used to be Nothin' On You by B.o.B featuring Bruno Mars. It didn't take too long for your Papa and Mommy to realize that it's Bruno Mars that you're after, since realizing you pay full attention to other songs like Millionaire by Travie McCoy featuring BRUNO MARS, and ultimately, the current king of music (to me that is)'s own singles like Just the Way You Are, Grenade, and now, The Lazy Song.
Other than that, you talk like I almost understand you. "Come," you said whenever you ask me to take something for you or want me to lift you up higher so that you can have a good look of the view of the outside from our balcony. The normal "Nenen," "Momom," "Mnum", when you're hungry or thirsty. "O o" when you just pooped, although you haven't fully grasp that one because you say "O o" even when it's just fart, or pee. You're now able to successfully identify not only your grandpa, whom you call "Kung Kung" (he is by far your most favorite person apart from Papa and Mommy), your grandma "Akek", your cousins Icha, Hanna, Eunice, and Baby Adam - tho you call all of them "Hanna" probably because it's the easiest to pronounce - but your favorite cousin I must say is Hanna, coz she's the first person you hug when you see, call over when you wanna share your food, and would claim justice for by biting whoever hits Hanna. You call your big cousin, Aaron "Alay", and all your aunties, "Ateee". You call our dog (which you pronounce as "Cok"), Lucky, "Kachee".. And your teachers, "Chee-cher." And not only do you know us by name, you know which shirt is whose..
From the good school I sent you to, plus constantly repeated Phonics Song videos played on Papa's and Mommy's laptops, you now know - and recognize - 'A' is for Apple, and 'S' is for Sun. You may not know the whole alphabet set yet, but you're definitely getting there. Oh, and your '1,2,3' is also not bad!
The team of My Little House Childcare Center led by Teacher Siti Fatihah also taught you about time-outs, which I've tried on you at home and works. =) I know you don't like time-outs but it is the best way to show you that hitting, pushing, biting, scratching, or just being mean to other kids, is not okay. Of course, you say sorry afterwards and then do it again. But it's a big achievement that you know you're not supposed to to or say anything when you're sent for time-outs. =) Adorable.
You're a great kid, Micah, and I always tell you that. For a 1-year-old toddler, you're achieving so much and I'm so proud of you. I don't know what kind of person you will grow up to be, but I can only hope that I'll be able to raise you well.
In the meantime, please put your crayons back at their case when you're done coloring, okay?
Love always, ALWAYS,
Your Mommy
No, that wasn't the "Oh boy!" expression. It's what I've been calling lately, and you responded well. =) The exclamation mark was because I wanted to start this post with a high-spirited attitude because it's been too long since I posted any letter for you, Micah. =( Sorry.. Mommy was just too occupied with everything else (a huuuge part of that being YOU).
You're 2o months old now, or a year and 6 months, with a head-full of hair (and when I say full, it really means A LOT OF HAIRRR, all THICK and BLACK - I envy), and a whole set of teeth. Most people couldn't believe you're barely 2 years old. It's probably the hair and the teeth, and you're ability to say a sarcastic 'hello' oh so perfectly.
Speaking of which, there was one time when I took you to the clinic for your monthly check-up, and a lady took your seat when you were off playing somewhere around, you came back and said, "Hellllo,", rolling the double 'L' so perfectly in a low tone, with a frown on your face, thinning your lips like an annoyed adult. I almost laughed, but managed to hold the laugh back, pretended to be a civilized parent who should stop her kid from being rude, and said a half-angry, half-amused, "Micah don't do that," before the lady stood up voluntarily and left the seat. She didn't look impressed.
Your favorite song used to be Nothin' On You by B.o.B featuring Bruno Mars. It didn't take too long for your Papa and Mommy to realize that it's Bruno Mars that you're after, since realizing you pay full attention to other songs like Millionaire by Travie McCoy featuring BRUNO MARS, and ultimately, the current king of music (to me that is)'s own singles like Just the Way You Are, Grenade, and now, The Lazy Song.
Other than that, you talk like I almost understand you. "Come," you said whenever you ask me to take something for you or want me to lift you up higher so that you can have a good look of the view of the outside from our balcony. The normal "Nenen," "Momom," "Mnum", when you're hungry or thirsty. "O o" when you just pooped, although you haven't fully grasp that one because you say "O o" even when it's just fart, or pee. You're now able to successfully identify not only your grandpa, whom you call "Kung Kung" (he is by far your most favorite person apart from Papa and Mommy), your grandma "Akek", your cousins Icha, Hanna, Eunice, and Baby Adam - tho you call all of them "Hanna" probably because it's the easiest to pronounce - but your favorite cousin I must say is Hanna, coz she's the first person you hug when you see, call over when you wanna share your food, and would claim justice for by biting whoever hits Hanna. You call your big cousin, Aaron "Alay", and all your aunties, "Ateee". You call our dog (which you pronounce as "Cok"), Lucky, "Kachee".. And your teachers, "Chee-cher." And not only do you know us by name, you know which shirt is whose..
From the good school I sent you to, plus constantly repeated Phonics Song videos played on Papa's and Mommy's laptops, you now know - and recognize - 'A' is for Apple, and 'S' is for Sun. You may not know the whole alphabet set yet, but you're definitely getting there. Oh, and your '1,2,3' is also not bad!
The team of My Little House Childcare Center led by Teacher Siti Fatihah also taught you about time-outs, which I've tried on you at home and works. =) I know you don't like time-outs but it is the best way to show you that hitting, pushing, biting, scratching, or just being mean to other kids, is not okay. Of course, you say sorry afterwards and then do it again. But it's a big achievement that you know you're not supposed to to or say anything when you're sent for time-outs. =) Adorable.
You're a great kid, Micah, and I always tell you that. For a 1-year-old toddler, you're achieving so much and I'm so proud of you. I don't know what kind of person you will grow up to be, but I can only hope that I'll be able to raise you well.
In the meantime, please put your crayons back at their case when you're done coloring, okay?
Love always, ALWAYS,
Your Mommy
Monday, October 25, 2010
I Just Wanna Go Home to You
Hey there, my baby..
Mommy had been terribly busy the whole week, not being able to pick you up myself at the nursery, and coming home only at midnight and you're already asleep.. I'm sorry, baby... There had been a tragedy last Monday, and you don't understand it now, but I'll explain them in detail when you're old enough and read this..
In short, it was terrible, sayang.. I kept wanting to go home.. Just being in the middle of all the chaos, of all those involved - their faces wishing like they could just turn back time and save their loved ones... Some of them lost their babies, Micah... I kept thinking about you and all I remember feeling was, I wanna go home, TO YOU.. I never felt like hugging you and kissing you more than at that moment...
There were only sadness and tears throughout the entire week.. Even as I've finished work and went home to hold and hug you (with prior clean-ups and bathes of course, having been around dead bodies and hanging out at mortuary), just seeing you sound asleep made me think about the mothers who had lost their babies... What would I have done if it had been us?
And just thinking about it like that makes me cry.. I kept thinking, "What if I lose my baby/mother/sister/husband/brother/father?"
I pray that no mothers, including me, would ever have to lose their babies like that anymore... I pray that no one ever have to lose their loved ones like that anymore... And as angry as I am towards God for making anything like that possible, I know that He has good plans for everything...
And baby, Mommy love you... With all my heart.. Sorry for not having enough time for you lately, but please know that Mommy think of you every second of the day... I worry about you all the time, and I miss you as soon as i dropped you off at the nursery. And as busy as Mommy gets, as stressed and tired as I get, I want nothing else but to go home to you at the end of every day.. And yes, sayang, you can ask Mommy to read 'The Little Lamb' as many times as you want.. =')
I love you, Micah...
Your mother
Mommy had been terribly busy the whole week, not being able to pick you up myself at the nursery, and coming home only at midnight and you're already asleep.. I'm sorry, baby... There had been a tragedy last Monday, and you don't understand it now, but I'll explain them in detail when you're old enough and read this..
In short, it was terrible, sayang.. I kept wanting to go home.. Just being in the middle of all the chaos, of all those involved - their faces wishing like they could just turn back time and save their loved ones... Some of them lost their babies, Micah... I kept thinking about you and all I remember feeling was, I wanna go home, TO YOU.. I never felt like hugging you and kissing you more than at that moment...
There were only sadness and tears throughout the entire week.. Even as I've finished work and went home to hold and hug you (with prior clean-ups and bathes of course, having been around dead bodies and hanging out at mortuary), just seeing you sound asleep made me think about the mothers who had lost their babies... What would I have done if it had been us?
And just thinking about it like that makes me cry.. I kept thinking, "What if I lose my baby/mother/sister/husband/brother/father?"
I pray that no mothers, including me, would ever have to lose their babies like that anymore... I pray that no one ever have to lose their loved ones like that anymore... And as angry as I am towards God for making anything like that possible, I know that He has good plans for everything...
And baby, Mommy love you... With all my heart.. Sorry for not having enough time for you lately, but please know that Mommy think of you every second of the day... I worry about you all the time, and I miss you as soon as i dropped you off at the nursery. And as busy as Mommy gets, as stressed and tired as I get, I want nothing else but to go home to you at the end of every day.. And yes, sayang, you can ask Mommy to read 'The Little Lamb' as many times as you want.. =')
I love you, Micah...
Your mother
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
I Just Want You Back
Dear son...
You got my heart skips a beat every time I think of you... It's been two months, TWO MONTHS, since Mommy last saw you... Leaving you there in KK with your grandma had been so difficult for me, and going through my days here without you was never easy...
Yes, I got to have a lot of time for myself and Daddy.. Daddy and Mommy can go out 'jalan-jalan' and spend time outside of the house anytime we wanted, for as long as we wanted. We go out at nights without having have to worry who's gonna take care of you. I have time for make-up and hair-do and even time to pick what I wanna wear because you're not around for me to bathe and prepare for every time we go out. I even have time for workouts, something that I had not been able to do for long after becoming a mom. I get to wake up gracefully in the morning without having have to rush. I have time to put lotion and moisturizers on my body and face after baths. I have time to just chill and watch movie or TV before going to bed. I get to stay in the office to finish work for as long as I want. I get to go on outstation assignments! And lots of other time in between all my daily activities for whatever I want. I can even wear high-heels! All of these things possible because you're not around for me to put first in my daily tasks.....
Did mommy enjoy it?
In the mornings when I wake up, as convenient as it is to wake up without having have to rush to prep a baby for the day, I thought of you first, and whispered 'Good morning, Micah' before i say anything else.. And it feels sad not waking up to find you already up and smiling next to me... As the day goes by and I complete my work and go home in the evening, it feels sad not to have you greet me at the doorstep clinging on to the gate waiting for me to pick you up after not seeing me for 8 hours.. It feels sad not having have to drop by the nursery to pick you up.. And as I bathe and dine with your father, it's sad not to have you bathe and dine with us, sad that your bath-basin lies there in the washroom, dry and unused.. As I visit shopping malls or shops, it's sad and awkward not carrying you or pushing you in your stroller.. It feels like empty hands do not work well for Mommy anymore, since I had you.. As I go to bed at night, in between those moments before dozing off, it's agonizing not to have you to cuddle with, and be exhausted for... And as much fun I had or satisfaction with my job and daily tasks everyday, it feels incomplete, and inadequate... Like there's something missing..
In short, Mommy is incomplete without you, Sonshine... And when someone is incomplete, they're not happy..
I just want to be tired again.. I wanna be exhausted again, from a hard day's work and from having have to accommodate time for you.. I just wanna be busy for you again.. I don't want any extra time for make up or hair-do or picking what I wanna wear if that means not having you around.. I'd be fine with just picking up anything within my grab to wear.. I wanna pick up things that you threw on the floor and i wanna complaint about having back-pain for having have to clean up the mess you made over and over again.. I wanna yell, "No, Micah, no!" so many times I get sick of it.. I wanna bathe and feed you till I don't have time for lotion and moisturizers.. I wanna walk you and bring you 'jalan-jalan' and have no room in my hands for plastic bags or other stuffs.. I don't want time for workouts if that means not having you around.. I wanna worry about who's taking care of you at night when I have to work or when Daddy and I are going out.. I wanna have you greet me after a long day at work... I wanna prep you for bed and complaint about being exhausted and have no time for TV or movies before dozing off... I know I'll be complaining about all these things, but I don't care... I JUST WANT YOU BACK.. I WANT TO BECOME YOUR MOM AGAIN... =')
So, baby, these past two months without you hadn't been fun... And I can't wait to hold you again and hug you and kiss you and have you become my son and be a huge part of my daily life..
Your grandma and aunt Sam will be tremendously sad letting you go. But I have to get you back.. Things just won't do without you...
I'll see you tomorrow... I hope you'll still remember me... =)
Love,
Your mother...
You got my heart skips a beat every time I think of you... It's been two months, TWO MONTHS, since Mommy last saw you... Leaving you there in KK with your grandma had been so difficult for me, and going through my days here without you was never easy...
Yes, I got to have a lot of time for myself and Daddy.. Daddy and Mommy can go out 'jalan-jalan' and spend time outside of the house anytime we wanted, for as long as we wanted. We go out at nights without having have to worry who's gonna take care of you. I have time for make-up and hair-do and even time to pick what I wanna wear because you're not around for me to bathe and prepare for every time we go out. I even have time for workouts, something that I had not been able to do for long after becoming a mom. I get to wake up gracefully in the morning without having have to rush. I have time to put lotion and moisturizers on my body and face after baths. I have time to just chill and watch movie or TV before going to bed. I get to stay in the office to finish work for as long as I want. I get to go on outstation assignments! And lots of other time in between all my daily activities for whatever I want. I can even wear high-heels! All of these things possible because you're not around for me to put first in my daily tasks.....
Did mommy enjoy it?
In the mornings when I wake up, as convenient as it is to wake up without having have to rush to prep a baby for the day, I thought of you first, and whispered 'Good morning, Micah' before i say anything else.. And it feels sad not waking up to find you already up and smiling next to me... As the day goes by and I complete my work and go home in the evening, it feels sad not to have you greet me at the doorstep clinging on to the gate waiting for me to pick you up after not seeing me for 8 hours.. It feels sad not having have to drop by the nursery to pick you up.. And as I bathe and dine with your father, it's sad not to have you bathe and dine with us, sad that your bath-basin lies there in the washroom, dry and unused.. As I visit shopping malls or shops, it's sad and awkward not carrying you or pushing you in your stroller.. It feels like empty hands do not work well for Mommy anymore, since I had you.. As I go to bed at night, in between those moments before dozing off, it's agonizing not to have you to cuddle with, and be exhausted for... And as much fun I had or satisfaction with my job and daily tasks everyday, it feels incomplete, and inadequate... Like there's something missing..
In short, Mommy is incomplete without you, Sonshine... And when someone is incomplete, they're not happy..
I just want to be tired again.. I wanna be exhausted again, from a hard day's work and from having have to accommodate time for you.. I just wanna be busy for you again.. I don't want any extra time for make up or hair-do or picking what I wanna wear if that means not having you around.. I'd be fine with just picking up anything within my grab to wear.. I wanna pick up things that you threw on the floor and i wanna complaint about having back-pain for having have to clean up the mess you made over and over again.. I wanna yell, "No, Micah, no!" so many times I get sick of it.. I wanna bathe and feed you till I don't have time for lotion and moisturizers.. I wanna walk you and bring you 'jalan-jalan' and have no room in my hands for plastic bags or other stuffs.. I don't want time for workouts if that means not having you around.. I wanna worry about who's taking care of you at night when I have to work or when Daddy and I are going out.. I wanna have you greet me after a long day at work... I wanna prep you for bed and complaint about being exhausted and have no time for TV or movies before dozing off... I know I'll be complaining about all these things, but I don't care... I JUST WANT YOU BACK.. I WANT TO BECOME YOUR MOM AGAIN... =')
So, baby, these past two months without you hadn't been fun... And I can't wait to hold you again and hug you and kiss you and have you become my son and be a huge part of my daily life..
Your grandma and aunt Sam will be tremendously sad letting you go. But I have to get you back.. Things just won't do without you...
I'll see you tomorrow... I hope you'll still remember me... =)
Love,
Your mother...
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Greatness in Simplicity
Dear Micah,
I was driving you to the nursery this morning, and singing to you our daily dose of "Angel Of God". I didn't set up your baby carseat today because you can somehow sit in the car now without moving too much. As I started to sing, you looked up and smiled, like you understand the song, like you understand what I meant for you by singing it to you, which is to wish you all the protection, guardiance and love God could give you... And I just started to cry...
It was just such a moment where you don't need reasons to cherish.. I still don't know why I cried... It was probably because I realize you're now big enough to understand a mother's prayers. Maybe not fully. But it's like you understand what a mother means when she sings to you... Or maybe you just like listening to your mother's singing... I don't know... But when you looked at Mommy like that and just smiled, Mommy never felt sadder, happier, liberated, accompanied, and so much more mixed together...
In all that simplicity, I've never felt greater... You truly make me feel like my life is worth living, Micah... You truly make me feel like I've achieved something bigger than life itself, which is love...
In case Mommy forgot to tell you today, I love you Son... I'd do anything to protect you... You can bet on that... =')
I was driving you to the nursery this morning, and singing to you our daily dose of "Angel Of God". I didn't set up your baby carseat today because you can somehow sit in the car now without moving too much. As I started to sing, you looked up and smiled, like you understand the song, like you understand what I meant for you by singing it to you, which is to wish you all the protection, guardiance and love God could give you... And I just started to cry...
It was just such a moment where you don't need reasons to cherish.. I still don't know why I cried... It was probably because I realize you're now big enough to understand a mother's prayers. Maybe not fully. But it's like you understand what a mother means when she sings to you... Or maybe you just like listening to your mother's singing... I don't know... But when you looked at Mommy like that and just smiled, Mommy never felt sadder, happier, liberated, accompanied, and so much more mixed together...
In all that simplicity, I've never felt greater... You truly make me feel like my life is worth living, Micah... You truly make me feel like I've achieved something bigger than life itself, which is love...
In case Mommy forgot to tell you today, I love you Son... I'd do anything to protect you... You can bet on that... =')
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